When I was in my teens and so in love with love that my heart was broken almost every other day, I stumbled upon a novel that gave such an intense poetic nuance and substance to my pain that I still refer to it after all these years. From Wikipedia:
Damage is a 1991 novel by Josephine Hart about a British politician who, in the prime of life, causes his own downfall through an inappropriate relationship. It was adapted into a film of the same title by Louis Malle in 1992, as well as into an opera (calledDamage, an opera in seven meals) by Greek composer Kharálampos Goyós in 2004.
Today I am lost in a haze of sadness. Today I recognized the symptoms of alcoholism and denial resurface in my blue eyed, golden haired fallen angel like a shark’s fin in the ocean close to a group of unsuspecting swimmers. I remember the screams, the blood, the floating bits of heart flesh that come bubbling up in an otherwise blue ocean of dreams soon after that fin surfaces. My heart refuses to feel that pain again so it goes into an automated process of shutting down and raising shields. As it is, that spiritual shark is circling around the closed underwater dome of my heart, but that dome is not merely closed, it is armed with torpedoes that could turn that shark of a man into sashimi.
There was a full moon in the starless sky. I thought how rarely I had noticed such things. Some deep failure of the soul perhaps. An inherited emptiness. A nothingness passed from generation to generation. A flaw in the psyche, discovered only by those who suffer by it. JOSEPHINE HART – DAMAGE
I could have his soul for breakfast and that particular meal wouldn’t make me anything other that a wise woman tired of going through the same old shit. Souls like his have holes like Swiss Cheese and add a flare to a ham sandwich. I like my souls on sour dough bread with a thin film of Miracle Whip Light mixed with some Honey Dijon Mustard. I’ll have that with a Mimosa and carry on as if nothing happened.
That is my story, simply told. Please do not ask again. I have told you in order to issue a warning. I have been damaged. Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive. JOSEPHINE HART – DAMAGE
Like the doomed affair in Damage our relationship is obviously fraught with danger because I am the adult child of an alcoholic and he is once again plunged into the depths of his disease. And yet, love draws us together as it has over 18 years. But as big girls know … love is never enough … it just makes it hurt even more than it could.
I always recognize the foces that will shape my life. I let them do their work. Sometimes they tear through my life like a hurricane. Sometimes they simply shift the ground under me, so that I stand on different earth, and something or someone has been swallowed up. I steady myself, in the earthquate. I lie down, and let the hurricane pass over me. I never fight. Afterwards I look around me, and I say, ‘Ah, so this at least is left for me. And that dear person has also survived.’ I quietly inscribe on the stone tablet of my heart the name which has gone forever. Th inscription is a thing of agony. Then I start on my way again. JOSEPHINE HART – DAMAGE
This is a karmic soul connection of epic proportions. He is not my twin who is ultimately more understanding but ever so unattainable. He is the fallen angel, the demon lover whose inner demons have trampled across the delicate pathways of my psyche because I have let him … I have welcomed him back every single time … because “I’m Just a Sucker for Pain.”
Update: Last Year I was with the wrong man. Patti knew it even if I didn’t. Patti, if you are reading this … Girl you were RIGHT AS USUAL. !!!
A REAL WITCH SHARES HOW LOVE SPELLS CAN HELP YOUR LOVE LIFE
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WITCHY WEDNESDAY: LOVE SPELLS
BY KALLAN KENNEDY
Valentine’s Day is soon upon us. Every Witch I know is going to get bombarded with the love spell requests. Jiminy Cricket once said, “A dream is a wish your heart makes.” A spell is very much the same, but with more focus and intent. Like dreams, spells are only good or evil according to the moral compass of the caster. Hence, the reason why most Witches won’t do them.
By ‘them’, I’m talking about spells that manipulate the will of another person. There are all kinds of self-love, beauty, and “attract-love” spells out there. Those are usually ones that a Witch will share. Most of us Witches want you to feel good about you, to find love and happiness in your life, and to be at peace. Now, that’s not to say there aren’t some folks who won’t cater to the lonely hearts club members. I’m not judging. That’s on the caster and his/her ethical code.
I love looking at old spells. I am fascinated by history and human nature. I love to explore the motivations of others and study their creativity. If you’re like me, I highly recommend “The Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells” by Judika Illes. She really did her research for the book. It’s even now in Kindle format!
My friend Marie Bargas, aka “The Hollywood Witch” was invited to guest blog for the popular “LA-Story.com” site on Love Spells. She’s posted some really popular ones, and always does great research. (Please visit my new site HERE.)
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Love spells aren’t inherently bad. The whole idea of “good” and “evil” is relative. At one point in human history, pedophilia was part of the normal culture. At one time, it was okay to murder in the name of one’s god (and in some places, it’s still encouraged!). If you really feel the need to cast a spell (or have someone do it for you) to make someone fall in love with you, that says more about you than them.
I recommend falling in love with you, first. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you are “alone” on Valentine’s Day, how about being thrilled that you are alive and that you are someone special who doesn’t need another person to love him/her in order to be complete? It’s true that like attracts like. When you can fully love yourself for all you are, you’ll find that other people want to be around you. They want to bask in your glow. If Valentine’s Day is important to you, then pamper yourself instead. Buy yourself flowers. Write yourself a love poem. Romance you this weekend. That’s the best love spell I can recommend.