Little did I know that when Mars went retrograde on April 18 at 4.14am PDT, 7.15am EDT, 12.14pm BST and 9.14pm AEST that my triple Libra sensibilities were going to be tested to the extent that I could either rise … or self-destruct because although Mars is traditionally Venus’ adulterous lover who adores her. But, when in retrograde he can and does tend to brutalize her in retribution for not being able to completely “have” her. As you will see from my account of this time, it was certainly a passive aggressive dance of erotic attraction being punished by shame and the whips & chains of domination as balm for rejection of the mystic masculine that is not “divine,” but twisted, insecure and sexually rejected for being so damn weak. Cruelty is what was offered as replacement for a lack of virility. And the outcome had a make or break quality that could have made me a professional victim, a damaged survivor or something more … a wise woman of the world.
It all started with the break-up of my 8 year relationship. Needless to say we had outgrown each other. After a year of literally no sex replaced by his sporadic threats of suicide, I tried to exit gracefully and failed utterly. You see I have a settlement from a car accident that is about to be paid and he was going to attach a lawsuit to that … until he was advised that he couldn’t. Then he went on to complain about an estimated $40,000 that he had spent on me over the course of 8 years. Um … when that broke down to $13.00 a day (including pussy) he backed off on that track, but not until it was pointed out to him that his peers were laughing at him behind his back. Finally, he has resorted to blaming me for “bankrupting” him with my expensive tastes. Really? $40,000 over 8 years is far less than what I would have garnered had I been a real “gold digger.” I am definitely NOT a gold digger because I WAS messing with a broke nigga. LOL
Next, a supposed “friend” could not keep himself from grabbing at my breasts and trying to stick his hand down my pants during a “moving” day when I was clad in sweats trying to pack boxes. He came to my rescue after he had heard of my break-up and proceeded to try to have sex with me in the back of his car because he assumed that after a year of celibacy he was doing me a favor. It gets worse. After trying to “feel me up” during the move he went after a girl friend of mine that he drove home. She thought she was safe with him because she’s pushing 60. Instead, he tried the same things on her and then turned around and told us that we would NEVER be believed because we weren’t credible because we were psychics and women of color. Reality Check: why would I be even remotely interested in a man who was still living with his parents and could offer me nothing more than sex in the back of the car that his mother gave him? I am single again, but I’m not desperate.
Right after that, I got served with an order to appear at a hearing in which a gay woman whose advances I have been rejecting for years, was trying to convince a court to slap a restraining on me for harassing her and literally trying to steal her Frisian horse and stuff it in the back of my ’98 Toyota Corolla. That got thrown out for insufficient evidence after an LA Superior Court Judge read her evidence and found it lacking in sufficient proof and comical to boot. The court clerks who recorded the initial filing told me that they laughed about this particular hearing for days. After the judge dismissed all her allegations her final knife throw was that she did not like anyone contacting her PSYCHIATRIST which had the same effect as the magick word ABRACADABRA. Hint: if you are leveling ridiculous allegations at innocent people, do not protest that you don’t want anybody contacting your psychiatrist. It doesn’t help your case. And, if you are going to write defamatory blogs on me because they are a lot less expensive than paying for an attorney because no attorney is going to argue your bullshit for free, if it at all, then at least do a grammar and spell check and try to come up with a blog that looks like it’s from 2016 and not 2006, when you obviously peaked before you went into a decline that by all accounts sees you circling the drain.
Meanwhile, a black magick magician from India who so graciously offered to destroy my enemies during this time took umbrage at the fact that I refused to send him daily photographs of my vagina along with a sampling of my pubic hairs for him to use in his “protection” magick. My refusal to do any of that caused him to threaten to curse me. Seeing as how he did not manage to stop me from being “felt up” or having to suffer the barrage of defamatory blogs from the nut case with the horse, I did not think that I was in any immediate danger, so I blocked and deleted him. I think that if I had come out of June with thousands of dollars and had watched my enemies explode like super novas I would have been impressed and feared him, but today… not so much.
Next, a black man posing as a lesbian bisexual woman on SKYPE offered me free Skype time on his bi-curious SKYPE account. When I told him/her I was NOT interested he called me a bitch. Oh dear, after all that I’d already been through that didn’t even register as a pin prick.
Finally, this morning when I posted my relief at Mars going direct I was accused of being a “man hater” by someone who I enlightened with a small sampling of my back story. Men don’t realize how much the ordinary woman suffers just for being … alive. Really. They have no idea. But as a writer, giving you an entire account of my particular journey is my way of therapeutically exorcising the remaining energy of this time which I hope not to experience again for at least another two years when the next Mars retrograde comes around. Phew.
Here are my suggestions for surviving and thriving through an onslaught such as this:
- Recognize victim shaming for what it is. Do not accept the burden that you did something wrong no matter what anyone says.
- Be accountable for the things that you did, not what people think that you did. For example, if you are attractive because you work out and watch your weight being attacked for that is ridiculous. Being attractive does not mean that you want negative attention. It means that you are taking care of yourself and predators are attracted to that.
- Keep things in perspective. Just because it appears that everyone agrees with your enemies it does not mean that they really do. Being strong and holding your ground and keeping your self-esteem intact is the best way to weather the storm. The truth always comes out eventually.
- Do not allow yourself to fall into a depression. Do things that you enjoy. Stimulate your imagination in positive ways. Keep learning.
- Respect your emotions and express them. Cry when you have to. Laugh just because you enjoy the pleasure and relief of that feeling. Allow yourself to have joy even in your darkest hours. And love as much as you can, even if it appears that love eludes you because love is the best cure of all.
- If you are part of a community of psychics, healers and mystics don’t be afraid to ask for assistance, for help, encouragement and empowerment.
- Allow yourself to accept love from the right places: your friends, your pets, your colleagues and kind strangers who are paying it forward and not looking to use you.
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