Dear Diary, Mercury Retrograde Ended Another Cycle of the Ugly Duckling Thanks to Sarasvati

Dear Diary,

swan-1639154_960_720Ever since childhood I have loved and connected with the fairy tale The Ugly Duckling by Danish Author Hans Christian Anderson because through the years it has been a recurring pattern in my life. As a child I was bullied because I was much smaller than the other kids and had to learn English because I had just arrived from the Philippines. By the end of grade school I had become an honor student. In my teens I blossomed from a plump fifteen year old into a stunning college freshman in just two short years. Later, in my professional life I rose from an intern at a PR firm to the in-house PR for a Beverly Hills couture accessory designer. This past decade was the longest I have ever had to reinvent myself, but this year after 8 years in a stunted relationship I left and embarked on yet another new life even though I’m no longer a Spring Chicken.

depression-501319_640In order to survive after the crash of 2008 I had to reinvent myself as a professional psychic because frankly no one was buying hand bags at $2,000 a pop. It was a fun 15 years of fashion, excess and glamour that left me fairly spoiled. In those days I did what I wanted when I wanted. I bought far too many shoes and hand bags. And during a time when I was easily getting $10,000 a season in free swag, goodies and trips I never thought about saving for a rainy day. And then suddenly, the crash brought all of that to a screeching halt. An entire way of life evaporated and in its place was the challenge to find a new way or leave LA to eek out a new living in a small town.

I was fortunate because at the time I thought I had found my true love. I believed with all my heart that love would conquer all and I could be satisfied with a little psychic business and a charming little apartment in the Valley with two dogs. For the first couple of years I reveled in the stability and the constant love and affection. Those years were truly happy and I don’t regret any of them. But, like all good dreams that too came to an end as the the relationship became confining and my partner was struck with a melancholy that would eventually destroy him. Let’s just say that story belongs to him to tell.

swan-1255467_640For the past several months I’ve been through the ringer. First I was called a “whore” for leaving an 8 year relationship even though I had my reasons. I was stalked by a troll who was determined to destroy me for rejecting her both sexually and professionally and I was misjudged and misunderstood by many people who would rather look at a woman in transition and turn away because women around here have “expiration dates.”  If I had not been somewhat attractive I would have been completely invisible because the sad truth is that our society doesn’t champion women. And furthermore when I shared my plans, some people who didn’t even know me or my capabilities told me that I was delusional. I believe that this is always because people are completely oblivious to talent if they are not talented themselves. Why?  My creative friends who are at the tops of their fields motivated me to keep doing what I was doing because they could feel that I was going to “pop.”  Today, I can say with some certainty that my reinvention is complete. I have become someone else. I have become someone more. I have become someone new.

 

It is no coincidence that for months now I have been meditating on the Swan or Hamsa of Sarasvati. For me Sarasvati the Hindu Goddess of Wisdom and Music is the mystical compass through which I always find my way. She is the one who dictated the Vedas and is responsible for “Vak” or Divine Speech. Hers is the Voice inside my head that directs me when I am doing readings. It is her genius that moves all my good ideas, my best writing, my creative style … I give honor to this particular Shakti because the consort of Brahma is ever the spark of creation.

goddess-saraswati-hindu-goddess-learning1

 

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